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Wednesday, February 25, 2004

Ask and ye shall receive

Well, I asked for a B, and I got a B. Not too bad for the first test. I still hope to improve though. Thanks for the suggestions on how to relax. Honestly I'm always tense. I took an extremely hot shower last night after I got home from school, filled my belly with warm food, and snuggled into bed. That felt good. Since there is no school tonight for me, and there is for Aaron, I get the night to myself and I will take the suggestion of soaking in a bath and perhaps I will browse the 592 bridal magazines I have lying around the house. Gawd, I hope that does the trick.

After my car accident I went through months of physical therapy. They were big on alternative medicine such as tai chi, smudging practices, inner healing, etc. It's funny because I was one of the clinics first patients because they had just opened. Another physical theripist joined the practice, and although he wasn't assigned to me at the clinic, he's my diet & exercise instructor this semester. Anyways, I wasn't at a good place in my life and extremely stressed. I remember my physical therapist saying as I was laying on the table during my relaxation time, that even my earlobes were so tense. I don't neccessarily know what she meant, but I don't think it was a good thing. She also said that me being tense was a way of me protecting myself. Every part of my body was locked up tight and I was even protecting my damn earlobes. You see, I protected my self from anything and everything I thought would hurt me. Physically or emotionally. I had just come out of a bad relationship and I was very bitter. I didn't want to be hurt like that again. This was also the reason I would more often than not, turn down completely good date offers. No way was I going to get hurt again. I was smarter than that. Pfft. That changed after only meeting Aaron once. Good thing too, I'd probably have the record for the world's highest blood pressure. I've also been told that being stressed/tense so extremely is a big reason that I've not been able to lose as much weight as I want. And that breaks my heart. It's time I learn how to relax, to let loose and let go. When I first started therapy i would start to panic and hyperventilate when they would make me sit and concentrate on my breathing, I just couldn't let go. Control. It was all I could do in my life to control myself if nothing else. And you're asking me to let that go? Pffffft. yea, ok. But eventually it became easier and although I still struggled, I learned to let go a little.

So it's a fat chance (literally) that I'll be teaching a class on meditating and the powers within, but until I relax, I know the consequences. And it's the right time for me to start learning techniques. My body is begging me. And if I'm going to enjoy my life. I need to let go of the tight grip on the reigns, and sit back and enjoy the ride.

PS: Keep the comments coming on how you relax in your life. I want to learn all I can. Thanks. ;)


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