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Thursday, July 27, 2006

The sad truth

3 more full days with my baby girl. 3 more days. A quick flash in time when I think of how long it took me to conceive her, grow her, birth her, and get to know her these past almost 8 weeks. Unbelievable.

Tomorrow she will be 8 weeks old. 2 whole months old. I never, EVER considered being a stay at home mom. It just wasn't me. I know myself and I need to work. Maybe not at a place where I'm constantly swamped all the time, but working nonetheless. But lately, I swear, if we could afford it, I'd stay home with Bella everyday. I love the changes she's making and watching her grow. I get to stimulate her mind by introducing new toys to her, playing busy bee, showing her colorful books, and so on. I'm her mom and I get to do that for her. I'm showing her these things for the first time and it is so special to me.

I didn't really know how this would affect me but everytime I think about Monday morning, I start to cry. This is going to be something horrible to go through.

Last Saturday for the first time, Bella looked at me and knew who I was. She found my eyes and smiled so big and tried to laugh. That has been the best moment in my life so far, for the first time she knew I was Mom. I'm so afraid that as long as it took for us to bond, in the same amount of time she'll forget me. Afraid isn't the word, utterly terrified is more like it. Someone emailed me recently asking if I was going back to work full time; I am. That means I'll have exactly 3 hours with her every night I come home to be with her. That is, if I don't cook dinner, shower, or do anything for myself. There just aren't enough hours in the day.

I hear her stirring now from her nap, I'm going to go snuggle my little princess as long as I can.

2 Comments:

  • At 11:58 AM, Blogger Denise said…

    She won't forget who you are just because you're not always there. She'll learn that you're the one that tucks her in, you're the one that takes her to visit Grandma and Grandpa, you're the one that wakes up with her in the middle of the night...you're Mommy. The people who take care of her during the day will be friends, but they will not be Mommy.

     
  • At 7:13 PM, Blogger Shannin said…

    I can only imagine your angst at going back to work. Bella is going to be one lucky girl with all the attention she is going to get from you, regardless of your work schedule.

     

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