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Thursday, July 14, 2005


Sometime in high school, or right after, I went to a psychic party with a friend.
I had no idea what to expect, the only person I knew was my friend who I was going with and her mother, because the event was at her house.

I remember asking my friend to come into my reading with me so she could retain some of this information as well.

One of the first things she asked me was if I was pregnant. She kept saying things like "birth" and "new beginning" so pregnancy did not always mean babies, it could mean a new beginning. I took that to mean the college I was going to attend in the fall.

The very next thing out of her mouth was to tell me that I needed to cut the stress out of my life. She told me that stress ends up causing cancer, and physical health ailments. She told me to get it under control now or it would manifest itself into something very bad.

Hindsight's a bitch isn't it?

I asked many things and got a lot of answers that she predicted with 90% accuracy thusfar in my life. She predicted bright lights for me and something about broadway and cosmotology. Then she clarified that cosmotology meant to make something beautiful. The next year I went to a modeling open call and later found myself at a modeling exposition in Chicago where I strutted my stuff onstage for some of the highest modeling agency's known. Ford, Wilhelmina, they were all there, watching me on the stage, under those bright lights...

Towards the end of my reading, since it wasn't important to me then, I asked about children. She told me I was as fertile as they come and she saw the number 5. I would have 3 of my own and it looked like I was going to adopt 2.

I think she had me confused with my mother.

My mother, who had 5 children and all it took was one time with each of them.

But, she did say that I was the one who had to announce all of this. Meaning, when I was ready for these life changes, I had to announce them. Not like a ritual or chanting type of thing, I could say it in conversation without realizing, or while praying. Looking back, when Aaron and I first got together, I flat out told him if he thought while getting to know me that I wasn't marriage material tell me, and we'll move on. I told him I was tired of nowhere relationships and basically didn't want to waste my time anymore. I was ready for marriage. Apparently he thought me worthy enough to marry. ;)

So last night I said out loud to Aaron that I was ready to concieve and bring to birth healthy babies.

This psychic told me (because I asked for some kind of time frame) that probably within 8 months of being married I would conceive my first child.

June 16, 2005 was our 8 month wedding anniversary. My unwanted visitor came on Tuesday.

This was the one thing she was wrong on. It HAD to be this didn't it?

So, Aaron and I made an executive decision. When he came home last night he hid my basal thermometer. I will not pay attention to the dates on the calendar anymore, nor will I pay attention to the 'signs' my body gives me every month to indicate fertility. So at least until November, I give. Fate wins. We're not trying anymore.

My doctor was so thrilled with the amount of weight I had lost and seem to be keeping off he said to keep that up, and told us he wasn't going to do an infertility workup until November anyways.

I'm listening, and no more trying to have children for the moment. I literally drive myself crazy every month with waiting. I need a break.




  • At 10:33 AM, Anonymous Mae said…

    Rebecca, I really wish you your healthy babies soon. I think you are wise to take a break... I've read enough to know the toll ttc can take on a person and a relationship - and it can make you so stressed that pregnancy just becomes that much more unlikely. Why do you think so many couples who adopt end up pregnant afterwards?

    Good luck with this... I know even now on the Pill a part of me is a smidge sad each month when I get my "visitor" - and I don't actually want to be pregnant yet. Well, I do, but I recognize now is not quite the time... soon, but not yet.

    Hang in there... you'll make it through this!

  • At 10:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Awww, big hugs hon, I'll pray for you to have healthy babies soon, I know it'll happen & cant wait for you!!

    My g/friends mother tried for years & years to get pregnant, as soon as they adopted a child, a year after that she became pregnant..the doctor says it was all just stress related and as soon as she stopped stressing over when she'd get pregnant, she DID!! -

  • At 10:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    that was me...Lori (honeydrizzled@hotmail.com)

  • At 5:58 PM, Blogger bek said…

    your memory is astonishing!!!

    always wishing you the best, and as i have said before, it will happen.

  • At 11:25 PM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    I've always found in my life, and my friends'lives, that as soon as a person stops hoping, praying and desperately wanting something to happen, it does. This happened to me when I found my husband, and to a close friend who tried to get pregnant for several months.

    As soon as we took our minds off what we wanted so bad, God stepped in and it happened. I think the same is true for most people. As others have said, I think it really has to do with the stresses we place on ourselves.

    Either way, I'm wishing you the best.

  • At 2:51 PM, Blogger Denise said…

    You will make a wonderful mother one day, Rebecca, I am certain of it.

  • At 7:00 PM, Blogger girl from florida said…


    I agree with Denise. You will be such an incredible mother.

    All things happen in their own time... and I absolutely love your husband's take. Hide the thermometer. Let God & nature take it's course. The time will come. Sometimes the STRESS of simply worrying about it is enough to put it off.

    Best of luck and you'll stay in my prayers! much love.

  • At 10:38 PM, Blogger kb said…

    I think the break will do you some good. Smart husband you have there!!

    Congrats on the weight loss, you are doing amazing. It doesn't surprise me at all that you walked the runway, you are so beautiful.


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